iiNet passes $1 billion in revenue

Australia’s third-largest ISP has recorded revenue in excess of AU$1 billion in its full year results for the last financial year.

If you want to download an app on your phone, you’ll most likely head to a marketplace owned by Apple or Google. It’ll be tough for any wireless carrier to establish its own app store alternative.

This. This is why the internet was invented: So Nick Offerman — aka Ron Swanson — could read shower thoughts from the eponymous subreddit.

We’re talking glorious nuggets of wisdom like “Technically, we’re all half centaur,” and “If your shirt isn’t tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.”

We’d like to think Jack Handey is out there somewhere, chuckling softly.

Bathe in the deep waters of Nick Offerman’s shower thoughts, above.

How Obama Killed A Controversial SNL Skit

A November 2007 episode of “Saturday Night Live,” featuring an cameo by then-Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.), almost included a controversial sketch about racial profiling until the presidential hopeful shot down the idea.

The Hollywood Reporter ran an excerpt on Wednesday from a new addition of Live From New York, a book written by James Andrew Miller and Tom Shales about the famed comedy sketch show. The excerpt focused on how politics played into the content of the show, especially during the 2008 election.

Here is how “Saturday Night Live” writer Robert Smigel described the unaired sketch:

It wasn’t until my last season that the network refused to air a “TV Funhouse.” It was a live-action one that was meant to be about racism and profiling, an airline-safety video with multilingual narration, and whenever you heard a different language, they would cut to people of that nationality. First, typical white Americans, then a Latino family, then a Japanese family, all being instructed about seat belts, overhead compartments, et cetera. Then it cuts to an Arab man, and the narrator says, in Arabic, “During the flight, please do not blow up the airplane. The United States is actually a humanitarian nation that is rooted in the concept of freedom,” and so on. … When the standards people freaked, Lorne fought them. Standards pushed back hard. They even got someone at NBC human resources to condemn it. … Lorne said, “I have a plan.” Obama was doing a cameo in the cold open. Lorne told me he would show my sketch to Obama. “If Obama thinks it’s OK, they won’t be able to argue it.” I thought it was a brilliant idea, except why would Obama ever give this thing his blessing? What if word got out? “Hey, everybody, that guy over there said it was cool. The one running for president of the country.” But I loved Lorne for caring this much and being willing to go that far to get this thing on TV.

Executive producer Lorne Michaels recalled Obama saying that the skit was “funny,” though ultimately not appropriate to show on live television.

“Saturday Night Live” has a complicated history when it comes to the issue of race and diversity.

Most recently, the show was criticized when it hired six white comedians for its 39th season. The show’s producers acknowledged its diversity problem in a November 2013 opening sketch featuring “Scandal” actress Kerry Washington.

After the criticism ensued, comedian Sasheer Zamata was added to the cast mid-season, making her the first black woman to be a cast member on the show since Maya Rudolph left in 2007.

Read how “Saturday Night Live” dealt with political sketches in The Hollywood Reporter.

Melody Sheep‘s John D. Boswell has made some poignant remixes over the years — his Mister Rogers auto-tune comes to mind in particular — but this one may just top them all.

In “Seize The Day,” Boswell takes clips from William’s most beloved films to create an inspiring, auto-tuned tribute that we’re sure the late comedic genius would have been proud to have sung. The powerful plays goes on, and we are so very lucky to have heard his verse.

“Carpe diem; seize the day!” // Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.”

14 People With An Undeniably Strong Tinder Game

I just got Tinder, single file ladies

Bummed out because you can’t get anyone to swipe right for you on Tinder? Chin up, buddy, it’s probably just because there’s such stiff competition on the dating app.

Below, 14 people who have taken their Tinder game to a level we didn’t realize existed.

This Photoshop expert.

This way thrifty compact sedan owner.

These bros who know Tinder can be a fun-filled group activity.

This incredibly rare Jesus in a tortilla.

This tamer of tigers/possible tamer of our hearts?

This emoji expert.

This scholar of burritos.

This epic storyteller/possible pyromaniac. (Yes, even if Aziz Ansari did it first.)

A true romantic

This fearless selfie-taker.

Dental Selfie!

“Kegan.”

This epic cuddler.

Found a great cuddler on Tinder

This guy who knows it’s entirely possible to use a pic of your ex as your Tinder pic.

This bonafide MERMAN.

And lastly, this danish. Who wouldn’t fall for this sweet, delicious, educated baked good?

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I, Robot… Will Kill You?

In the most disturbing piece of news to hit humanity since the return of the Twinkie, it seems that engineers in the U.S. have built 1,000 robot soldiers that can form a military style formation on command. Well, all right, they are not soldiers and apparently they are pretty tiny, but it’s still early days. Little robots grow into big robots and some of those well might decide to enlist in the army.

The point is that the little bastards can actually gang up, and that should give us some pause.

Yes, this is what humans have always dreamed about and really need right now — another f@*#ing army. Like we don’t already have enough people willing to form military units on command in the Middle East, Ukraine, North Korea, and Ferguson, Missouri right now. Do we really need machines to do this too? Think about it.

Sure, so far the robots can only shuffle around and it still takes them 12 hours to fall into place, but pretty soon the psychos will want body armor and assault rifles to go with their little war games, and can really start doing some damage. And then there is the whole artificial intelligence thing — you know, that brilliant undertaking of humans to make machines able to think and act on their own? Oh yeah, we should definitely add that to the mix just for shits and giggles.

If you think this is all an overreaction to some small robots forming a shape, ask yourself why would anything form a military phalanx unless it intended to kick some ass. They wouldn’t, and I suspect this is all just the start of a massive plot to take over the world hatched by some really geeky engineers who want to get chicks. What better way to do that than to create your own personal militia in the comfort of your laboratory?

There could, of course, be benefits to having a robot army. I mentioned North Korea before but there is also ISIS in Iraq, the Iranians, the Russians, and the Canadians; all of whom could pose a serious threat to our national security one day and could potentially be confronted by these new robots — provided they don’t get pulverized first in the 12 hours it takes them to move into formation. Honestly, I have seen geriatrics move faster.

Still, maybe there will be some other applications for this technology, like heart surgery carried out by robots. Just inject the 1,000 little maniacs into our bloodstream and let them do the rest. Yes, I can see why that would be a good idea. If I was on the operating table, that’s what I would want — cold soulless metallic things creeping around inside me, snipping a blood vessel and then taking a dozen hours to clamp it back shut, by which time I will have bled to death. Seems tailor-made for Obamacare.

Then again, maybe I’m being too negative. Maybe it will all just be fine and we don’t need to worry about machines being used to enslave the world or branching out on their own to wage war against humanity. Maybe I, Robot was just a movie… (yeah, right). But whether there is something to worry about yet or not, I will say this: if these robots want to form military configurations, that’s fine; if they want to march around in step, that’s fine; and if they want to invade Moscow or Pyonyang, that’s totally cool too.

But if these f@*#ers start doing the Macarena, I may just kill myself.

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Barnes & Noble Nook gets the Galaxy treatment

Samsung puts a Nook spin on its Galaxy Tab 4, Sharp launches a smartphone with an eye-catching design, and Uber takes on Google and Amazon with an instant-delivery service.

This is the type of love that the emotional crescendos of romantic films are made of.

In this video from YouTube user Peter Valko, Rocky the 8-week-old French bulldog contemplates jumping into his owner’s arms and follows through, flinging himself from his perch on a chaise lounge and making a safe, adorable landing.

This moment is certainly watchable on repeat.

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